Confessions!

Ok sometimes you just need to confess.....

I had a really sugary dessert last night that I didn't have to eat....
Yep I said it...

I also have only done pilates exercise this week....
Lazy!!!

Ok so the pilates I've been doing because my sciatic nerve was pinched last week and it was the only movement that I could do. And I've been doing rotations of lunges and squats... So my movement hasn't been the best, but at least I've been doing something!!!

My eating... Well it was pretty good until last night!! To be honest I was just over it all by last night. Its not an excuse and I definitely understand that. I'm in the middle of packing to move, and am suffering a bit of resistance in the packing.... I'm just over looking at all of our stuff!!!
The thought honestly crossed my mind that we should just burn our house down and replace everything.. Clearly that's not an option so will have to just keep on going!!

I feel just exhausted!!
I made all my lunches for this week- broccoli soup and cupcake quiche... Both quite nice. I will admit that most of the food is really fantastic- which is a huge relief. I find that I do get myself moving when I want to lose weight, its the lack of real knowledge of nutrition while losing weight. I have found it all really helpful...!!

All in all I've had an ok week, but really need to just keep on moving!!!

Real Progress....!!!

At the start of 12WBT, we took our measurements. Now I do know that sometimes you lose heaps of weight but it doesn't show on the scales because you've put on muscle...

Now two weeks in, you don't think- well I must have put on muscle but I've definitely lost weight- it just doesn't work in my mind.

Now, I have felt a bit shit all week because I decided that clearly I was doing so wrong with the program. I felt so horrible. Yesterday I had a win- I wore pants that I had bought last year that fitted me perfectly and had put on too much weight to fit in them. I wore them- all day at work without busting out the arse of them. I even wore them again today just to prove to myself that I had lost weight.
So I did my measurements tonight

11/2 Chest (cm) 125 Waist (cm) 117 Hips (cm) 137 L.Thigh (cm) 72 R.Thigh (cm) 74 L.Arm (cm) 39 R.Arm (cm) 40

22/2 Chest 120cm Waist 113cm Hips 134 L Thigh 70 R Thigh 72 L Arm 39 R Arm 41

Clearly I should learn not to jump the gun- there is a HUGE difference in my body and it is slowly coming off... 5cm is HUGE!!! I'm so proud of myself!!!!

Moral of the story: Don't think you can't when you clearly can!! Who cares how much weight it is, when you are really losing it!!!

Weigh in day....

I suppose in life, we always want to be successful at what we do..

So when you are losing weight, the same goes!

I am feeling deflated and horrible today...

Last week I gained 200g, and everyone was really supportive telling me it was ok, that these things happen.... And then this week losing 1kg I felt good... Until everyone else around me starts pulling 2-4kg losses...

How disheartening....

Now I realise that a loss is a loss- get that, and that at least I'm losing weight. But if it is this hard right now, I'm really going to struggle all year to lose this 40kgs within a year like I wanted to. I at least wanted to lose 15kgs this round, and by the looks of it, 10kgs might be a struggle..

What to do???

Well in the past I would have gone to this

Meh! I won't do that... But I probably will have a pity party in my mind all day until I get home and do some exercise. I'm a bit over our house and packing too. I'm stupid stressed, and everything is going on this week.. I have school photos next week for the first time in 6 years since I finished High School.. And god I'm dreading them.... School photos for kids - get put into your parents photo album and forgotten... School photos for teachers? Whole school photo gets immortalised so basically my fat photo will appear in the school for life! How yuck!

But it will be improved for next year. 

Its not the loss I'm upset about, its my progress. What am I doing wrong? What could I do better?

I just want to grab Michelle Bridges and demand she give me her secrets all at once!!! I do love the program, don't get me wrong. And we have enjoyed all of the meals except one so we are making progress there....

The stress of life has gotten in the way this week, and I just want everything to fix itself so I can move right along on my weight loss journey....

My Inspiration

So I made my inspiration board for my 12WBT Journey. And really it was because it was a weekly task and I had decided when I started this to do ALL of the weekly tasks regardless of how mundane I thought they were...

I liked this challenge as it got me to think about what actually made me tick and why I wanted to choose some of the things I chose.

So I thought I would justify them here on my blog so then I was putting voice to reason... 

(here is a link to my inspiration board on pinterest btw http://pinterest.com/laurajbritten/12wbt-inspiration-board)

**The Taylor Swift quote** 

Now I get it, like the rest of the population, some of Taylor Swifts songs are a bit like *BLAH!* because you know the moment she breaks up with someone she is going to write a new song... 

HOWEVER me getting it is as far as that goes. I like Taylor Swift, and I have a lot of respect for her music. Now I'm not musical at all, but we do have something in common, we process our thoughts by writing them down. The difference is that my readers have the choice as to whether they want to read my ramblings of the week, unlike Taylor's songs that are played on the radio One Million times a day.

"If you're lucky enough to have something that makes you different from everyone else, don't ever change." 

I know I am different from everyone else. And I think about this from an emotional point of view, not a physical. My weight means I am different from my colleagues and friends and I DO want to change that. 

**Sarah McGee**

http://www.12wbt.com/blog/motivation/sarah-mcgees-12wbt-success-story/

I do not know Sarah, nor have I met her. She completely gave me faith that I could do this. I relate to her journey over others because she is a similar age to me, and I really admire her honesty. I have less weight than Sarah to lose, so I honestly believe in myself that I can actually do this now, and I don't have to listen to the inner monologue trying to tell me that I cannot!

**The Abraham Lincoin Quote**

Now I'm not American, and don't have an admiration for Lincoin, but I stumbled across this quote....

"I walk slowly, but I never walk backward."

I loved it. And thought it was so true of a weight loss journey..

A lot of people have said "Oh I couldn't do that" "Oh no losing weight is too hard..." "I share food, and I can't expect others to eat that.."

HELLO!!! It is a lifestyle NOT a diet... I have my doubts of whether I can do it right the whole time. And I would be lying if I said that I am doing it right and will always do it right. I can barely get through a 30min work out at the moment... Does that mean that I am the biggest failure in the world? Does it mean that I have failed myself because I cannot do an intense workout for 1hour or more?? Hello- it makes me human... I am human, and I make mistakes, but I will not go backwards. I will make mistakes, I will have red flag days and yes that might mean I eat something I shouldn't or not do exercise all week because I'm busy. It doesn't make me a failure, it makes me human. And I will keep pressing forward no matter the task!!

**The Scales!!**

The dreaded scales. Although when I weigh myself and the 111.7kgs or 111.9kgs comes up, I'm no longer gutted that I'm so big... I'm no longer gutted as to why it hasn't moved... I just keep on moving. Honestly if I could not weigh myself, I would. I would lose the weight until I liked how I looked and I would go into maintenance mode. I'm not going to be governed every week by the scales, or what they tell me. And I shouldn't have to be, no one should be!!

This is my inspirations.. My inner monologues that have told me to be a positive, polite, beautiful person. And I am a beautiful person, my mother has taught me well. 

If anything I wanna be a snake... The snake that kills an antelope and eats the whole thing whole and says "What of it...???" !!! I want to be amazing, inspiring, and do the things I think I cannot do!!

Getting into it!

It doesn't matter how much preparation you do in life, sometimes life gets in the way of doing things.

And its true, life does get in the way...

4 weeks ago I was sitting on my couch hanging out for the program to start. I was also quietly packing myself as to how we would afford to live. My partner is still looking for work after being injured in the Army, and I was a casual teacher, and who wants a casual teacher at the very start of term. Yes it made me depressed that my bank account would only keep me going until the end of Feb. it was a bit of a low point but the 12wbt was taking over my life and I was preparing for the road ahead...

And then my life happened!
I got offered a job, which I took gratefully. I love being a teacher, sometimes its hard, and the kids push my buttons, but I can joke with them, and laugh with them and learn with them.

Unfortunately while my life was happening, the 12wbt program started and left me behind. Now I'm not going to lie and say that I have been trying to balance the two. I haven't. My career is demanding at the best of times, factor in that I had 18hours notice before I started face to face teaching, and well I'm still playing catch up with my planning :/. I honestly cannot get ahead, there are not enough hours in the day.

Now, my teachers are helpful, but I have to do it myself. Now I have a job, we can move as well, which means I am now playing catch up with my planning, moving, and starting a new weight lose program, ARGH!!

I am committed and I have been following the meal plan. Right now that is the best I can do. I fit in my exercise where I can, have worked out three times this week. It's not the recommended 6- does that mean I'm a failure? Hell no. I am trying, and that is all that matters in my book!

I do struggle to get myself out of bed, and because I started getting sick, I did decide that I would continue to get up at 6 so I didn't put too much stress on my body... Now I am feeling better, I will be happy to get up at 5:30 and do a half hour work out. Ok so its not an hour like it should be, but honestly how much exercise did you do prior to doing this program? Huh?! Be honest, because if I'm honest, the 3 days this week I've done something has been 3 times more than I would have this time last year. Last year I would have been sleeping in as long as possible, getting up, getting ready for the day, and then sitting doing nothing much at all.

My portion sizes were HUGE! My partner and I could eat two whole pizzas between us in one sitting :/ Yikes. Not only were our portions too big for the activity we did, when we did go for a walk, it required a "treat" for doing something.. And honestly who else has done that, we are not the only ones.

Our pantry now looks different... We have less pasta, which we would eat by the kilo, we have NO diet or normal soft drinks. Martin could consume litres every day if I let him. We have lots of cans of beans, I got rid of the instant sauces. Our meals look different too. They are small. They are calorie controlled, and we are full when we eat them!!!

I may not be doing all of it, all of the time. But I am trying and starting to give it a go... And to be honest, it will make for slow losses. Does that mean I'm doing the wrong thing? No. At least I am doing something about my weight loss and am no longer making excuses for the way I look..

I look this way because I over ate as a child, I over ate as a teenager, and I did no exercise. I did no exercise because I couldn't do it well, so I refused to do it, therefore not building up my fitness, not getting any better, and staying down low in the bottom of the hole I had built for myself... None of that was healthy....

I am like this because when I moved out of home, I moved to a city where I could access fast foods more easily, and took advantage of this. I worked at a fast food outlet, didn't help either!

I could easily make excuses, but I won't. I could easily blame others for this, but it wouldn't be fair on them.. This is MY fault- and only I can make the changes to change me. I can't expect people to pick me up and shake me until I'm angrier with them than myself....

I WILL climb mountains, I WILL run- yep I'm making that commitment, I WILL ensure that when I have children, they have healthy looking parents that care about their health....

But like I said, ONLY I can change me... Which means only you can change you. And Are you prepared, scared, pumped, committed enough to do that, or are you making excuses????

Think about it and get back to me!

Slacker!!!

I have been a mega slacker!!! I have been around, but I haven't been blogging...! Why? BECAUSE I GOT A JOB!!! That's right, I managed to get a short-term contract at a school- hopefully continuing until the end of the year!!! It is very exciting, and although I am making mistakes, I am learning from them. It is also so different from the teaching I've been doing in the past...!

My weight loss hasn't stopped or halted. I simply put blogging on the back burner. I have been trying to put all my effort into my teaching. I suppose what I find the most difficult is planning for the future, and really trying to utilize the little resources I have. I am slowly making more, but it is a slow process.

I cannot wait to start my weight loss journey! I did my fitness test and ran my 1km in 8:30mins. What I want to improve on is my dismal effort at the wall sit :/ 8 seconds before I couldn't stand it. Just hurt my back in a weird way and couldn't take the pain.

I really don't know what else to say other than I'm truly excited to start my weightloss journey. I can't describe how excited I am. I WILL be going to finale in May, and I WILL look stunning whatever size I happen to be!