I feel really disappointed with myself- got off to a great start and then nothing. What is wrong with me!!!
By the end of this round, I really wasn't happy with myself, or my efforts. Who's fault is this....??
Throughout this journey- I have tried not to blame anyone but myself. Because it IS my fault. Its not my partners fault- I still made the choice to go out and buy food rather than cooking it. I made the choice to have the extra at dinner time rather than making the choice
So why is it that other people chose to always try and blame other people??
So who's fault is it really? Why do we make these excuses? I make excuses because I don't want to take the responsibility. Which makes me a little bit of a hypocrite I think as I am constantly telling my students that they need to take responsibility for their actions, so why do I try and get out of it myself?
I need to learn to talk myself out of my stupid choices- because that's what they are. It is sabotage really. I love myself, I really do, but I hate the way I look. And it's not until I see photos of myself that I think "Wow I look big, but I'm not really that big, I don't look that big in the mirror..." Why don't I look that big in the mirror? Because I see what I want to see, that's why...
So instead of blaming others, I really need to start blaming myself, and owning up to my stupid choices and bloody just do it.
So where to from here?
I didn't do well in the last round, and got frustrated and gave in when I stopped losing weight. This round that is not happening. I'm sticking to the food plan 100%. I will be making sure I like the food, and have back ups of the food so I can continue to make good choices. The food is my main issue. Although I find it hard to get moving, once I'm down pat with my eating I will be right, I will be getting myself up at 5:30 for either a walk or a work out dvd. Something that gets me moving.
Now... Finale and the workout! I loved the workout! I really did enjoy it!!! But the rest of the night was a fizzle for me. Maybe because I was expecting more than I got, maybe because everyone had talked about it in a way and I didn't experience it in that way. Would I jump at the opportunity to meet MORE of the wonderful people that inspired me throughout the last round? Yes I would- but I didn't enjoy the other aspect of finale- and as many people will say that that is a negative view to have, I am entitled to not like finale. I would go to another group workout though, I loved it!! I loved sharing that experience with my friend and enjoyed what I did there!
I got the opportunity to meet some of the ladies that I had been talking to this round... But was too scared to go up to some of the women that truly inspired me. Cathy, Kristy, Bella, Maryan- they have done amazing things (Mind you there are many many more ladies who I have seen and read stories about that are truly inspirational). It was as if I was star struck! I wanted to say Hi there, I'm a huge fan. But then thought, pfft as if they want a random coming up to them saying that! So I didn't and I regret it...
So where to from here?? That is the real question. I want to smash this round- I want to lose a heap of weight ready for our family holiday so I look fantastic for it and am smaller than I've ever been as an adult.
How will I achieve this...?? Will power.. I have to have the willpower to only put planned foods into my mouth. No more chocolate, no more junk food..... NO MORE!! I can and will do this- it will take time but I will do this!
No comments:
Post a Comment