Just breathe!!!

I DWELL ON THINGS!!!

There I said it. And I will admit, I dwell on things until they reach epic proportions and unhealthy levels!!! 

I am slowly learning that not everything is worth my attention, and not everything is worth the amount of time I put into it. And I do put a lot of time into worrying about bloody nothing. 

Does this make a little insane? Yes it possibly does, however at least I can admit it!!

I had a warming moment last night and today. I have two sisters, they are twins and have always been tall and thin and look completely different to me. But I do love them, even though we fight like we use to fight when we were kids. 

Both sisters have seen me start numerous weight loss programs. This time I think I've found a winner. I am engaged, I am motivated (well not now because I'm running on 4 1/2 hours sleep). My sisters both voiced on my facebook page how proud they were of me for doing this... And all I have to say is this, they better share their clothes with me in a few months!!!!

I am looking forward to actually looking like I match my family. I am a misfit, I look a bit out of place when I line up with my family. Mum, Em and Jess are tall and thin. Dad is bigger but not as big as me :/ 

I love my family I do, Mum is in the purple, Jess in green, I'm black, Em in pink and that is dad. We are all wearing stupid masks because that was the theme of my sisters birthday...!!! This is over... My graduation is over.... And I'm fat in all of the pictures. It makes me sad that I avoided pictures during my childhood because I was afraid of what the photos would look like. I lost a heap of weight but still had that mind set...

One photo I hate....

This is my Aunties 50th.... And I am COMMITTED to NOT look like this for my dad's 50th this year... I don't want to have another event where I am remembered as fat......

My commitment is this. I commit to losing 40kgs for as many rounds as it takes. 

I am committed to this goal and will do as much within my power to achieve this..

I commit to be healthy and fit for the rest of my life....

I put it out there... I'm not afraid of anything or anyone. I want to not dwell on things just to be able to deal with them. I want to make sure that I have no more events in my life that have shit photos of me. I am committed to making a difference in my life and be damned to everyone else. 

I love my friends and family, but I don't want to be remembered as the fat lady. I don't want to be the token fat person at a party...

And I don't want to be a fat mother, I don't want my kids to be ashamed of me... Like the kids in What's eating Gilbert Grape... (sorry its just where my mind went!!!)

So that is my commitment to myself... That is my commitment to you, and the world. I will be thin and I will wear clothes that I want to. And I WILL have beautiful photos of my sisters and I with our parents at my dad's 50th in May....!!